How is this school violence different from all other school violence?

This happened yesterday.  It’s an all too familiar story: a very troubled white boy brings a weapon to a place of learning and attacks his peers, apparently at random. We all know this tale, and yet we don’t, because this time there is one crucial, crucial, difference.  Nobody died. So far (two people are in critical condition) no-one has lost a child or a parent, a sibling or a partner or a friend, because Dylan Quick didn’t use a gun.  This is a tragedy, just as all violence is a tragedy, but it’s also a screaming, honking hole in the “guns don’t kill, people kill” argument.  If the person in question here had used a gun, that we would have had a massacre is undeniable.  He didn’t and we don’t.

Every time an episode of senseless violence, different from this one only in the choice of weapon, erupts onto the national stage, some people start talking about legislation and regulation, and then proceed to be shouted down by others who accuse them of that most terrible of crimes, politicizing a tragedy. Not just nonsense but dangerous nonsense that, so long as politicians and political processes are the ones deciding whether people like Dylan Quick get to have military-grade murder machines.  Talking about the tragedies that have tumbled into being like dominoes, one after another, doesn’t seem to be enough to convince these people though.  So I think we ought to try talking about the near-tragedies, the almost-tragedies, the close calls and near misses, the but-for-the-grace-of-God moments.  Like this one. Maybe then they’ll finally come to understand that the grace of God really has very little to do with it.

The Smart Boy’s and Girl’s Guide to Not Getting Cancer from Personal Care Products, Part 1

Recently I’ve been devouring a book called No More Dirty Looks (also a blog with the same title) about the terrible, terrible things in cosmetics, hair care products, etc. and it’s changed my life.  That probably sounds hyperbolic but it’s true.  As well as all sorts of scary scientific information put into easily digestible bites, it also includes a lot of product recommendations from the authors, selflessly tested on themselves, and I was typing it up to carry around with me when it occurred to me that other people might like to get their hands on this information without having to wade through the whole book (though if you’re at all interested, it’s a fun and informative read so highly recommended).  The idea kind of ran away with me and this is the result, or the beginning of it seeing as I haven’t finished the book yet.  Enjoy, and live a long and beautiful life!

First a few basics:

  1. Skin =/= rubber.  Stuff gets through, and lots of it.
  2. The more often you use it and the more area it covers, the more of it you’re absorbing.
  3. You’re absorbing more of the products you leave on than the ones you rinse off.
  4. Your scalp is the most absorbent part of your skin so everything that goes in your hair is also going in you.
  5. If it’s flammable or banned[i] in Europe[ii] you don’t want it on (and by extension in) you.
  6. Generally, the fewer and more pronounce-able the ingredients, the better.
  7. The words “natural,” “safe,” “gentle,” etc. are meaningless in this arena.  The only trustworthy words on the bottle are USDA Organic (meaning the product meets the requirements set for organic food) and the ingredients label, kind of.
  8. There are a lot of lists out there of ingredients to avoid, and they make a good start, but even if you adhere to them religiously you’re not home free: a lot of the bad chemicals are contaminants or by-products, which means they’re not on the ingredients label.

A few words about money: safe products have a partially-earned reputation for being price-y and some of the ones on this list certainly are, but others are definitely not, and can be found at your local CVS and (especially) Target.  Also, you know what’s really expensive? Cancer, Alzheimer’s, nervous system damage, an enlarged heart, birth defects – and these are only some of the proven effects of chemicals commonly found in personal care products.  My philosophy is that if you’ve ever done like I have and spent good money on acquiring future health problems, by buying cigarettes or going to a tanning salon or getting your hair relaxed/permed/straightened, then you owe it to yourself to spend a few extra bucks on minimizing your risk from now on.  Just my two cents.

Shampoo[iii]:

  • Aubrey’s Rosa Mosqueta Nourishing Shampoo
  • Dr. Hauschka with Apricot & Sea Buckthorn
  • Ctonics Passion
  • John Masters Organics Zinc & Sage
  • Alaffia Coconut & Shea Butter
  • In a pinch: Burt’s Bees, Jason, Yes To, Alba

Conditioner:

  • John Masters Honey & Hibiscus Hair Reconstructor
  •  Aubrey’s GPB Glycogin Protein Balancing Conditioner
  • John Masters Organic Lavender & Avocado Intensive Conditioner
  • Amazon Beauty Rahua

Styling Products:

  • John Masters Organic Shine On
  • Aubrey’s Mandarin Magic Ginkgo Leaf & Ginsing Root Hair Jelly
  • Intelligent Nutrients everything
  • Aloe Vera everything

Soap/Cleanser:

  • Whole Foods Market Triple-Milled Organic Soap
  • Ren Mayblossom & Blue Cypress Balancing Facial Cleansing Gel
  • Evan Healy Blue Lavander Cleansing Milk
  • Patyka Organics Face Cleaning Milk & Foaming Face Wash
  • Raw honey that hasn’t been heated (sounds strange, works great, I also use it as a mask)

Moisterizer/Serum:

  • Evan Healy Rosehip Seed Oil
  • Dr. Andrew Weil for Origins Plantidote Mega-Mushroom Face Serum
  • Juice Beauty Organic Facial Moisture Concentrate
  • Ren Hydra-Calin Global Protection Day Cream
  • Kahina Giving Beauty 100% Argan Oil

Toner:

  •  John Masters Organic Hydrating Mists
  • Evan Healy Hydrosols
  • Elique Organic Pampered pH

Exfoliant/Peels:

  • Dr. Hauschka Cleansing Cream
  • Juice Beauty Green Apple Peel
  • Arcona Cranberry Gommage

Facial Sunscreen:

  • John Masters SPF 30 Natural Mineral
  • Jurlique Purely Age-Defying Day Cream SPF 15
  • Soleo Organics

Blemish Stuff:

  • Organic Apoteke Active Face Hydrating Gel
  • Jurlique Blemish Cream
  • Burt’s Bees Natural Acne Solutions
  • Arcoma AM Acne Lotion

Masks:

  • Jurlique Purifying Mask
  • Elique Organic Skin Food
  • Evan Healy Clay Mask

Foundation/Tinted Moisterizer/Concealer:

  • Lavera Tinted Moisterizer
  • Lavera Makeup Fluid
  • Nvey Eco Organic Liquid Foundation
  • RMS Beauty “un” cover-up
  • Jane Iredale Dream Tint Moisterizer
  • W3LL People Narcissist Mineral Cream Foundation

Mascara:

  • Couleur Caramel Mascara
  • Tarte Lash Hugger
  • Josie Maran Mascara
  • Jane Iredale Purelash

Lipstick/Balm/Gloss:

  • RMS Beauty Lip2Cheek
  • All the Better to Kiss You With
  • Couleur Caramel
  • Josie Maran
  • Burt’s Bees Balms
  • Burt’s Bees Lip Shimmers
  • Juice Organic Lip Moisterizer
  • Intelligent Nutrients Lipbalm
  • W3LL People Nudist Lip Shine
  • W3LL People Universalist Multistick

Eyeliner/Shadow:

  • Jane Iredale Eyeliner Pencil
  • Jane Iredale Liquid Eyeliner
  • Suki Triple Cream Eye Definer
  • Alima Pure Luminous Shimmer Eyeshadow
  • Josie Maran Eyeshadow

Bronzer/Luminizer:

  • RMS Beauty Living Luminizer
  • Josie Maran Bronzing Argan Oil

Blush:

  • Vapour Organic Beauty Aura Blush
  • Dr. Hauschka Rouge
  • Alima Blushes

[i] See a full list here

[ii] Why Europe? Because while Europe has banned 1,329 substances, the US has outlawed a paltry 10.  Their standards are a bit more stringent.

[iii] Don’t expect these to foam the way Pantene does; the stuff that makes it foam is, guess what, bad for you.  Also, you’re probably washing your hair too often, and when you do do it, do it backwards – conditioner first.

Liveblogging The Doctor – Season 7, Episode 6 – The Bells Of Saint John

1:10 So far, totally on board conceptually.  The concept is suitably creepy and close to home, the sort of thing that just might give me nightmares of the most delicious kind.

2:06 Ooo, new credits! Pretty! And the Doc’s face is back! I like, even if it does look a bit like a screensaver.  It always has anyway.

3:22 Oh no, the Doctor is going to need a horse.  This does not bode well.

4:45 An Amy Pond reference, already? Subtle.  Not at all smug and self-satisfied. (Sarcasm).

6:54 Clara, you’re tech skills are not impressive.

7:16 Women are evil spirits, haha. Very funny, Stephen Moffat.  Why do I get the feeling you’re only half joking?

8:15 Why hasn’t Clara’s soul been sucked into the internet? What makes her so special?

9:37 When your conscious is telling you to kill people, you might want to get that checked out.

11:45 Creepy children, a classic.

12:10 OKAY that is actually creepy, and on multiple levels.

13:03 Enough with the bloody bow-tie and things being cool.  Way over-used.

14:28 The Doctor, hacker extraordinaire!

15:30 I wonder if Clara gets to keep the “spliced in” tech skills? Is she going to be a hacker extraordinaire too now?

17:45 Who eats half a cookie and then walks away? (The Doctor, apparently).

18:55 I bet websearchs for “quadracycle” went way up just after this episode aired.

21:40 I don’t think you need to know much about the internet to know about the existence of Twitter.

22:15 If he would just open the TARDIS before telling young pretty females who don’t know him to get in it this would all go a lot smoother.

23:30: Ooo, new TARDIS! Not at all like a screensaver! Hmmm, not sure how I feel about this. I like the blue light but it’s much more tech-y.  Reminds me of a cyberman actually, very old-fashioned robot.  Think I preferred the coral.

24:00 A good old-fashioned high-tempo crisis complete with accompanying music, very good.

25:20 Is it just me or have we been having a lot of middle-aged female villains with lesbian haircuts lately?

25:40: “It’s a time machine; you never have to wait for breakfast.” If I didn’t already want to hitch a ride in the TARDIS that would totally seal the deal.

27:10 People are uploading their photos awfully quickly.

29:45 Has the Doctor never heard of babysitting?  Or au pair-ing? It’s really, really not strange or notable for a young women to work for widower taking care of his children.  I’m not sure if the insistence that it is is coming from the Doctor as a character, and is supposed to show how culturally alien (hehe) he is, or Stephen MoffatI’m worried it’s the later, and really hope it’s not going to be an important plot point, because no.

30:35 Rape via mind-control, fun.  Just in case we didn’t realize who the bad guys were I guess?

31:13 Silly villain, don’t you know impossible situations are the Doctor’s favorite?

34:05 Oh, fudge.  Must say, I like this new coat.

35:44 I take it this is supposed to be the Bond-like bit? Maybe I haven’t seen enough of the movies.  Does Bond usually travel by motorbike?

36:30 DO WANT

38:14 There’s the Oncoming Storm we all know and love <3

39:38 What, where are you going? No, go back! That’s not nice!

39:50 UNIT! So good to see you, old friends!

44:07 Those symbols on the new TARDIS are Gallifreyan aren’t they? Wonder what they mean.

44:30 And so it ends.  Well, that was much better than I’d feared it would be. Clara continues to be not nearly as annoying as she could be, which sounds like the least complimentary compliment ever, but is actually high praise given the general outline of her character and my expectations.  The monster was very cool and there was good set-up for a longer arc.  It wasn’t anything fantastic or mind-blowing but a solid B+, maybe even an A-.  I’ll definitely be watching next week.

Passing It On

Lately I’ve been really enjoying (and periodically bingeing) on an NPR podcast called the Pop Culture Happy Hour.  It’s basically four friends who write for NPR, one about movies, another about (comic)books, the third about music and the fourth wanders through all media.  They’re all really smart, funny, thoughtful people who think deeply about culture but don’t take it or themselves too seriously.  A lot of fun, in other words.  Through it, I’ve been introduced to all sorts of wonderful culture, and it’s gotten me thinking in some really fresh and interesting ways.  Each episode has a general theme, and the most recent one was “sharing culture across generations.”

It was as smart and funny as usual (one member’s parents made him watch Midnight Cowboy as a child, remember that the next time you’re feeling ungrateful) and of course got me thinking about all the culture my parents introduced me too and how much they’ve shaped my taste and sensibilities.  What immediately came to mind was Star Trek, and science fiction in general.  That comes straight from my father.  From my mother I got my taste for indie and punk rock and my never-ending love for A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.  These things and more were such a part of my childhood that they feel downright inevitable, and I know I’m not alone in feeling that way: just trying telling someone you’ve never seen the movie they watched over and over again  when they were home sick from grade school if you have any doubt.

It also made me wonder how the process of pushing culture on your children will differ in the future when it’s no longer contained in physical objects.  Teenage-me loved going through my mother’s record collection, and I inherited a lot of sci-fi paperbacks from my father.  My children won’t be doing anything like that, since all my most-beloved books, music, etc. is digital.  That feels like a loss: there was something special about handling the same objects my parents had treasured when they were my age, something so exciting about finding their occasional doodles and notes in the margins.  I fear the digitization of culture will make it harder for my kids to connect with the things I love, and that’s heartbreaking.

Pointhavingness

I’ve got a new addition to my (admittedly long) list of pet peeves: people who complain that celebrity gossip is pointless.  Now, I’m not personally a fan of celebrity gossip. I’m one of those people who only read People in grocery store lines and doctor’s offices.  Frankly, I think it’s pretty horrible how they and their ilk treat celebrities, who deserve their privacy as much as anyone else, and when it comes to my own favorite artists and performers, I’d actually rather not know much about them beyond their work (let’s just say I’ve been burned).  Just because I disapprove, however, doesn’t mean that I don’t understand why it all exists.

In my opinion, celebrity culture serves the same purpose as gossip in general: it’s one way to communicate and share social norms and mores, and the consequences of breaking them.  When every headline next to the drugstore cash register is screaming about Brittney Spears driving with her baby in her lap, most of us learn that we shouldn’t do that, and if we do, we’re going to face what social scientists call informal sanctions (negative consequences that aren’t official e.g. being shunned, called names, judged, or otherwise stigmatized).  They tell us how to act the parts of women and men, young and old, white, black, or otherwise, in a way that won’t upset the status quo, stir things up, or get us in trouble.  Obviously that’s not the only way we figure out what’s acceptable, but it is one way to pass along and reinforce the message.

This isn’t me saying that I agree with the rules and definitions of appropriate actions as defined by tabloids, I think they’re often pretty terrible (driving with a child in your lap being an exception), but again, that’s different from not seeing the social purpose they serve.  Very few things in this world are truly pointless, in my experience.  If they were, they wouldn’t exist in the first place.  To say otherwise is superficial thoughtlessness disguised as snobbery, and in my opinion there are few worse things

Random Thoughts

These are the things that have been going through my head all day.  Hopefully setting them free on the interwebs will clear up some space in here.

  • I really enjoy Shameless when it’s not being all rape-y; I just wish that was, you know, more often. The most recent episode may have set some sort of record in terms of most icky consent issues per minute. Where are all the indignant ”men get raped too!” crusader-trolls when you need ‘em?
  • “A 24 hour erection that just won’t go away” may just be the best description of Valentine’s Day I’ve ever heard, and single, gay men might just be my new favorite heart-day companions.
  • It would be really nice to go an entire football season without a racism scandal.  At least, I imagine it would be, never having experienced such a thing myself.
  • Gareth Bale, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?!? AND WHY???

That’s all for now, folks.

What’s in a Name

“There’s always a name.  Lincoln.  Hitler.  Gandhi.  The name can inspire terror, awe, sometimes great things.  But there’s millions of people go into making a name.  People facing things they couldn’t imagine they would.  In the moments that matter, even our own names are just sounds people make to tell us apart.  What we are isn’t that.  The real questions run deeper.  Can I fight? Did I help? Did I do for my sisters? My comrades, children, slimy slug-clan?  There is a chain, between each and every one of us.  And like the man said, you either feel its tug or you ignore it.  I tried to feel it.  I tried to face the darkness like a woman and I don’t need any more than that.  You don’t have to remember me.  You don’t even know who I am.  But I do.” -Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 #1: The Long Way Home)

I love, love, love this passage.  Really, it’s the only thing I love about BtVS Season 8, and it’s why despite my disappointment in that particular endeavor, I still have faith (hehe) in Joss Whedon.  Why I still get excited about every new project he takes on; because he can do this, put words together in an order that makes shivers go up and down my spine every time I read them.  He gets at the heart of things, the soul.  My soul.  This here? I think of it as kind of like my mission statement.  I know that sounds silly, to have a mission statement, but what can I say, a woman’s got to have a code.  The idea that history isn’t really made by the big names, the great men as they say, but all the little, unrecognized, often female or otherwise marginalized people doing their part, doing more than they ever thought they could.  That we all have to do that, go above and beyond our own self-perceived limitations, that we can and we must.  That the big names, the great men, are symbols, and powerful ones, but not to be mistaken for the real engines of history.  Then there’s the emphasis on community and interdependence, and the general female-centered language, using being a woman to mean being brave, and the vagueness of “the darkness.”  I might not be facing literal demons, but I know from darkness, and I’ve had to make that call, to run and hide or to face it.  We all have, I believe, at one time or another.  The best part though, in my opinion, is the ending.  Those last few lines.  The idea that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of you, if they even think of you at all, so long as you know who you are.  As someone who has spent far too much time feeling invisible, questioning my own worth, my own impact on the world, and worrying about being seen and heard, that speaks to me.  It really, really does.  It’s just so…ah! I can’t even put it into words, what that last sentence makes me feel, but it’s amazing.

Limeys Don’t Learn

A few days ago I dropped in on my favorite place in Philadelphia, the Free Library.  As I had some time to kill, I was wandering the stacks and ended up reading The Cambridge Companion to Modern Irish Culture because I’m just that cool.  It wasn’t quite as dry as one might expect – my intended brief perusal turned into several hours of reading essays about Irish feminism, sport, and cinema – and apparently part of a series; there are equivalent volumes about Germany, England, France, Spain, Japan, India, the US, and Latin America.  You may notice that one of those things is not like the others.  I sure did, and I’m sad to say reading that list (and I’ve checked online since and it’s a complete one) really soured the whole experience for me, informative as it was.  Ireland with its, what, five million people maybe, gets its own book but the 20 different countries of Latin America with their hundreds of millions of inhabitants have to share?  WTF?  Way to make it clear who really matters in your eyes, Cambridge University Press.  Way to uphold that time-honored British tradition of racism and cultural insensitivity.  Cheers.

“You were handsome, you were pretty…”

It’s been 25 years since the original release of the only Christmas song I listen to voluntarily (and year-round): “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues.  I’m not sure what that has to do with football (The Pogues have written their share about football fandom so maybe that’s the justification?) but the website Football and Music has compiled various programs discussing and celebrating that epic piece of songcraft.  I listened to the BBC 2 radio documentary and greatly enjoyed its mix of information about the development of the song and reflection on it’s impact and why it’s so beloved. Among other interesting bits and pieces, I learned that the melody is an echo of a piece by Schubert, the lyrics originally told a different story altogether, and that a favorite line for audience participation during live performances is when the female singer responds to the male’s assertion that he “could’ve been someone” with “well so could anyone!”  That’s also a line specifically mentioned by Rick Moody in his essay on the band, and it’s a favorite of mine too.  I think everyone loves it because it speaks to something so deep in us all – who isn’t sure they could’ve been great, famous, or more important given a little more luck and opportunity? – and it’s the classic lament of drunks everywhere, and the response is just perfect.  You could’ve been someone? Aren’t you special!  It captures something deep in all of us, an aching sense of loss and missed opportunity below rationality, then asks us to laugh at our own hubris and delusion.  And now I have to go listen to every Pogues song I have on repeat for a while.  There are worse fates.